Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
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we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
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Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize