I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
