so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
