I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
