I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
