Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
