We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
