I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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