party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
