just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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