you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
