Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He better not be in your backpack
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
