I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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