Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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