The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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