he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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