we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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