We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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