The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize