Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
