I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
