the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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