You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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