I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize