the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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