Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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