I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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