I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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