A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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