I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst