I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD