so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.