I smell stomach acid.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.