i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.