Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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