Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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