My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
