I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
