yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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