Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
