I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
