i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
