you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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