I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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