I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
