You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize