You surviving the open bar?
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I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
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