Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
