Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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