Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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