from now on my penis is your penis
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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