My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
