i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
