between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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