Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
