I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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