Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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