He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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