how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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