Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
