trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
