i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
there is glitter all over my balls
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
