So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
