imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
