i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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