throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
